I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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