she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
