im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
