why didn't you poke me back
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
