Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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