i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
