the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
