and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
