ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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