She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
