I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
