nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I touched a dick in church today
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
