i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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