Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
