someone threw a dead crab at me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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