im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
