why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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