singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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