Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
