Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize