Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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