so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
