i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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