Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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