I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
