is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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