I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
