Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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