you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I need moral support for this bender
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
