You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
