the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
