the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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