Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I had to cum in my sink.
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