Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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