Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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