Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
