I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
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I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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