Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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