i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
