I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Randomize
