I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
