If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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