i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
smell my finger.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
