just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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