I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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