I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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