quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I enjoy the company of your penis
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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