Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
