Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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