I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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