if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
