i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
