Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
