About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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