He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
