You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
