Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
