im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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