You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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