just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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