he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
