something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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