Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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