My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
