The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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