Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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