My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
