Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
