would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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