Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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